Drunken Horseback Writing... or Learning to Smell... Err- Spell

What's up Dorks?

How have you been? Where are you all from? I want to know more about YOU. Anything you want me to write about? How was your day? Did you get your hair done? How was work today?

Yep, I was just stalling. I was hoping you wouldn't see through my little rouse, but you guys seem to be pretty smart... maybe, too smart... I mean, you are reading this blog right? That means you are kinda genius already. I am not sure if I can top my Club 33 post... That led to some writers block... and laziness. Now you are stuck with this.

I just got a new job... Evil Geniusness doesn't really pay the bills you know! And no one ever hit the "Donate" button or bought some awesome stuff from the Evil Genius Store so...

Today I am going to do a mish-mosh of bad puns, vague references to things most of you are too young to remember and random Disneyland park stuff in a segment I like to call... Drunken Disney Blogging.

Let's start the Magic.

First. I am drunk... (hic) See? *buuuuurp*... That's how you can tell... I hiccuped. This will let the lack of a theme in this post seem more... acceptable(hic!).

Second. Happy Slightly Belated Birthday Carthay Circle, Buena Vista Street and Carsland or whatever the kids are calling it! One year ago the second part(I would say the addition of Ariel's Undersea Adventure was the first) of the DCA reboot was opened and it has never looked better. I am trying to rack my brain to remember what was in that space before. I remember the Sun Fountain, other than that, I don't remember. I don't want to say that California Adventure was lackluster, I liked the park the first time I was there, it was a great place to go if you wanted to avoid other people, but over all it was kind of... lackluster. The Park was a money pit for Disney. They had a sign right inside the gate that said Home Crap Home... Anyone? That was a reference to the 80's tour de force The Money Pit. If you got it right, give yourself 50 Genius points, if you didn't get it, -13 Genius points and you need to find the movie... perhaps here... and watch it. Carthay Circle is a fantastic restaurant and lounge. The food is great and they just switched to their summer menu, and the service should be the example to other Park dining establishments. Carsland... You get it, you've seen the commercials. Good fun to be had by all, according to Tow Mater.You should see it at night, it is beautiful at night.

That's not even close! It's staying! Obviously not Carsland. Oh! hidden Mickey in Carsland! I do have a picture of that!

Anyway. The remodel has completely changed California Adventure. The park attendance in the past year rose 23% to 7.78 million visitors, which is the biggest increase of any of any of the top 25 theme parks in the world. On the flip side, Disneyland attendance was down 1% to 16 million guests most likely due to the rise in visitors to DCA. Yay Disney! You beat... yourself.

Hic... Sorry, I forgot I was supposed to be drunk... What's the old saying? Liquor before wine, you'll be fine! Wine before liquor... What the fuck are you lookin' at?!?

We had a new Skipper on the Jungle Cruise last time... He kept screwing up the jokes... It was more like Bungle Cruise... Ehh? Come on... That one was... Okay, you are right, that was bad... But if you laughed give yourself +45 Genius points!

I think I will finish off this post telling you some things I have learned from some of the attractions...

Jungle Cruise - First rule of the jungle. Don't be a zebra.

Pirates of the Caribbean - Apparently pirates had REALLY disproportionate(that's not a drunk word) legs. They are like baby legs. Kinda creepy. Look next time you go... it's all you will ever be able to see.

Splash Mountain - Your laughing place is your home... which is hopefully a briar patch.... So don't bother leaving the house.

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride - Drunk driving is okay as long as you call it a Wild Ride and Hell isn't as bad as the Squirrel Nut Zippers want you to believe, also it's not as hot as I remember.

Matterhorn... Meh-terhorn(You gotta give me that one) - Sometimes attractions that are supposed to be fun, can still suck.

Astro Blasters - Screw squares and circles! What dumb shapes... that's not just on the attraction, that should be a rule for life...

Carthay Circle - Get the biscuits. Save the biscuits, save the world... It keeps telling me I spelled biscuits wrong. Oh my god! I have been mispelling biscuit the whole time! And apparently I have been misspelling misspelling! Now I need to go back and find all the bad biscuits! Uggh, What a maroon!

What about you guys? Have you learned any life lessons from  an attraction? Let me know!

I think that is it for now. My next post will be well thought out and well researched... Okay, it will at LEAST be thought out and researched.

Stay Dorky!

-Jumba

P.S. Have you seen It's Tough to Be a Bug show in Bugs Land? I didn't even know that place existed! It was a pretty good show.

P.P.S. Don't forget to follow my Facebook fan page! Leave comments! Send me blog ideas!

P.P.P.S. I wasn't really drunk during the writing... I take my craft VERY seriously... Although... I think it would be pretty hilarious write something under the influence... hmmm... Genius plan forming... Meet me at Cove Bar! And bring a video camera! YouTube, here I come!

P.P.P.P.S. Short post from #DisneyHulk coming soon. Headed to the park tomorrow and I am sure someone will kick up my Disney Rage to the point of writing harshly about them on a blog they probably won't read. Passive aggressive rage is the best! Am I the only one who spells "aggressive" using the cheer from high school? And I think of Jiminy Cricket when I spell encyclopedia...